Treat day, lost earring, twin interactions, blue light

Today we decided, after our visit to the gym, to make it one of this month’s treat days. We went out for brunch, where we ate a lot of yummy food and spent too much money. I then spent hours feeling nauseous. Turns out I can’t eat that much sugar any more. And our pocketbook can’t take that kind of expenditure on anything a regular basis. So, for future treat days we’ll just cook things at home that we don’t often have, but into which we can put a smaller amount of sweetener than a restaurant would. And then maybe we’ll go get ice cream once in a while. Lessons learned.

On the plus side, Emily kept offering food to Joanna, which is a departure from her previous habit of only taking it away. In related news, Joanna has started to hug back when we hug her, but particularly when Emily does. Seeing them in a mutual toddler embrace is a gift I hope I will never forget.

I am totally bummed. I have lost one of my HI turtle earrings bought on my November trip. I wear those earrings and the necklace most days of the week, and am so sad to be missing one. I hope we can find it. That set has come to be identified with me. People love the bright color and diminutive size, and the babies point softly at the earrings with their little curious fingers. But I’m afraid it fell out on my way home from the Pilates studio yesterday, and if so, I’m unlikely to find it again.

This evening we all played with Lego’s in our living room. Emily has started to put them together, and giggles with satisfaction every time she does. Joanna’s favorite activity is still just taking apart whatever anyone else puts together and then gives to her. She did like peering into the tiny Lego window this evening, though.

The blue light is working. It’s not quite 10, and I’m already thinking about going to bed. This constitutes a personal miracle.

car accident, driving, one’s chosen objet d’art

We just realized that we’ve locked ourselves out of the new studio. Both our sets of keys are down there, and we locked the door on the way out. I guess that means no more organizational activity tonight. Whee! In fact, at the moment tonight, when I said to Ted, “We should really get a copy of our studio key so we have a spare,” we were already locked out.

Yesterday we were rear-ended by a woman who was busy looking at some Christmas trees. I am now very glad we own our old tank of a Volvo. We’ll have to fix the tail pipe, but the bumper seems solid and the rest of the car seems fine. She hit us with enough force that the stereo popped out and the glove compartment opened. All three kids started to cry. Her hood was crumpled up and the lights damaged (Hazel has been concerned about her car in the last two nights of highs and lows), but the Volvo showed its worth. As Ted said, “Honda 0, Volvo 1”.

As soon as Ted had pulled over I got out to get Joanna, who was bawling. As the other driver approached I glared at her, but got myself under control while she apologized. It does amaze me how quickly the internal mama bear roars into action. I can feel claws, fur and teeth all close to the skin. At the same time, I know how easy it is to get distracted behind the wheel, how easy it is to make a mistake.

This accident has been in the back of my mind since it happened, and my friends and I have talked about it more than once. I feel that as I get older I am more distractible. And of course with little kids I’m often not getting as much sleep as would be ideal, and my life is so full that it’s hard to find the downtime for peaceful, meditative sessions in which to allow my mind and heart to clear. I think that I have to start treating driving more as though it is a job, something with specific focus, skill, and goal requirements. It’s not something about which to be casual or reflexive. The risks are too great.

Nonetheless, as I said to Hazel this weekend when we talked about what happened yesterday, if we were going to have an accident that was a good one to have: no one was hurt, our car wasn’t seriously damaged, and each driver has insurance. We’ll be able to take care of ourselves and our vehicles.

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Today Hazel and I started the day by having some snuggle time, and then looking through one of my jewelry boxes. She wore a couple of my necklaces that morning, and I wore one I love that I’d forgotten about, a dragonfly that I bought in North Carolina while visiting my mother-in-law, the first time I had met her. I remember delighting in the fireflies that I don’t get to see much any more, living out here in the Pacific Northwest.

And that’s the thing I love most about objet d’art, the things we buy that remind us of people, experiences, places and times in our lives. Picking up the necklace brought back images of houses built back in the 17th Century, conversations between the three of us, seeing the cottage where Ted spent so many summers, and so on. They can be touchstones for us, signposts for memory. And usually they are things whose aesthetic properties we admire, too.

When I was in Hawaii recently I bought myself a pair of earrings and a necklace that I have taken to wearing every day. I realized on that trip that my friend J has a necklace she always wears, something that I enjoy seeing because it has taken on something of who she is, what she likes. That idea appealed to me, and the earrings (tiny turtles) and necklace (star fish) I bought are emblematic of things I love – the sea, the wildlife in our world, and a place where I’ve spent a lot of wonderful hours. Those are things I can use being reminded of every day. And in their turn, they’ll begin to carry something of me with them. I know Hazel loves to see them on me, and the twins sometimes reach up and gently touch the earrings. We all enjoy that.

Thinking about that, I find that I am, for the first time, looking forward to my dress-up time with Hazel. It will be an opportunity to share stories and dreams with her.

house org, PT, teaching, pictures

This morning Hazel was well enough to go back to school, so J and I had a nice time with the babies. She’s been quite brave, picking up both at the same time several times. We took them for a walk down to the hardware store to buy painting supplies. When I went to put the bag under the stroller I discovered that the basket under it had slowly been filled with a large number of books, toys, and other things that had never made it back into the house. So I stuffed them all into a bag and brought them in at the end of our walk. And now we have one more container of things on the interminable list of stuff we need to sort, store, or dispose of. It never ends.

Except that it will, or close enough. We are making progress. Tonight we went down to check out the studio, removed the paper with which we’d covered the concrete walls (it did definitely not look good covered in primer), and most of the plastic protecting the light fixtures and other things we didn’t want to paint. The space looks better. And once we add carpet and color on the walls, as well as curtains and space heaters it will be habitable for a year.

I have always struggled between the polar opposite sides of my personality with regard to cleaning and organization. At the core, I have a strong preference for a tidy house, in which things are lined up and organized. In fact, Ted laughs when I sort the spices alphabetically and carefully label the tea shelves, as he has come to expect me to do such things. But there is also the part of me that wanted to rebel against regular household chores when I was a kid, and has done so off and on during my adulthood. More and more the first side wins. But Ted and I have certain traits in common, and the unholy mess in the basement was a result of the combined less productive or helpful aspects to our personalities and habits. Each step we take toward digging out, letting stuff go, organizing what’s left in a way that will allow us to use it feels very positive. We just get impatient and want it to be done now. And with three small children in our midst, it is just going to take time.

This afternoon I had a PT appointment. I now have three exercises that, come hell or high water, I am going to do in the morning. I want to be able to hike this summer. My PT guy did say that it’d be a good idea to wrap my knee or at least bring along a knee brace to help keep everything aligned on the descent. And I will also buy a pair of hiking poles. But in order to hike with little to no pain, I need to do the work on my knee now.

And after that I had a bunch of lessons. One of my very new students did a stellar job over the two weeks between her second and third lesson (the latter was today) of learning to push her fingers into the string without squeezing with her thumb. I was so proud of her! I enjoy teaching her; she’s positive and cheerful and willing to try, a fun person to be around. Today I gave her Happy Birthday to learn. Next week we’ll make flash cards to help her learn the notes.

After I got home and we’d got the babies down, I spent some time looking through our HI pictures with J. I miss the sunshine and warmth, the sea. I was really pleased to discover that I got some good dolphin shots, though. Here’s one.

Spinner dolphins, snorkeling, life lessons, last day

Today we did one last adventure, going out on a boat to snorkel and see dolphins (if they showed up). And they did. We saw a large group of them, leaping, spinning, riding the bow waves. I’ve never seen dolphins so close, and loved the chance to watch them open their blow holes and breath. These were Spinner dolphins, small, agile, and very playful. As well as riding the bow waves, some dolphins leaped entirely into the air, flipping around as they did so. Here’s a video of that behavior.

Eventually we left the dolphins and headed to our snorkel site. Time zips by when we’re snorkeling. We’d been in the water for what we thought was half an hour when we came out for a break, and found out it’d been 75 minutes instead. This time we rented wet suit tops, which turned out to be a good choice. Though the water is comparatively warm, still it’s cooler than one’s own body temperature, and being in the ocean for over an hour, one gets cold.

Lessons I am taking away from the activity of snorkeling are (in random order) as follows.
1) Don’t assume there’s nothing going on. Spend some time and watch. You may be surprised by what you see.
2) Both preparation and flexibility are essential.
3) Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It is our diversity which gives us strength. We are all interconnected.

After our trip we wandered around the town for a bit, had some food, and then came back to our condo. Tonight’s dinner was salmon poached in coconut milk with sautéed onions, garlic, and mushrooms, plus salad. Super yummy.

Tomorrow we leave for home in the afternoon, so we have one more morning in HI to enjoy. We’re going to go snorkel one more time, and then pack up, go visit a town we’ve been wanting to see, and head for the airport.

And now, I am in the reverse position that I was in the day I left for HI: I will miss my dear friends, as well as the wonderful gifts of this island (especially the swimmable ocean), but am very glad that I’ll be able to see my family soon. Of course, my friend J is coming back with me, so we’ll have another week to hang out. That will be a lovely extension of our holiday.

hiking, bum knee, friendship

Today we went for a hike and then a walk. I was nervous about the hike, due to my somewhat bum knee. Going downstairs and doing other things that put weight on it can be challenging. It is better than it was, but it doesn’t feel solid. Ironically, my left side is generally stronger than my right, but is also more injury-prone, apparently. I am also not in as good shape as my friends are, so was prepared to spend a good bit of the afternoon sitting and reading while they went ahead.

The hike started with a fairly steep ascent. About a third of the way up it I thought I might wimp out much earlier than I’d planned. But I was surprised to find that I made it all the way up without even breathing too heavily. I did it by going V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y. My friends were wonderful and accommodating, and to my continued surprise I made it with them all the way to the place where we mutually decided to turn back due to very muddy conditions on a trail with a drop on either side. We did about 3 miles of a 4.5 mile round trip, and probably gained 500 to 1000 feet in elevation. We walked into the clouds, which opened up and rained on us for a while in a shower that was refreshing and welcome. We got high enough to see into lush valleys, to look down on waterfalls, and to see the top of the peak that we had been aiming for.

Though I was very frustrated at times with my knee and afraid of falling, I was also very happy that I was able to get as far as I did. I am deeply grateful to my friends for encouraging me. I wouldn’t have gone on a hike in HI without them. I do have a lot of fear that my knee will never get back to normal, but today provided me more motivation to do my PT exercises, and to make time for that whether I have child care or not. I want to be able to hike, climb, run, and jump.

Today also showed me that it’s still possible to be active, even if it’s not to the level I want.

Good friends are the best. They provided encouragement, perspective, and the occasional hand to help me over a step bigger than I was comfortable with.

Tonight my knee is tweaked and stiff, but I want to see how it goes over the next few days. And I’m glad I went. It’s too easy to feel like I can’t do X, Y, or Z, that I’m too out of shape or too old, or whatever other reason I tell myself. How much my knee recovers is actually going to be mostly due to how much work I put into its rehabilitation. And how I feel about it is also my responsibility. It’s about where I choose to put my focus. Being up on a mountain today gave me a chance to remember how wonderful it is to hike, to see the views and appreciate the work it takes to get there.

So there’s your life metaphor for the day.

Tomorrow, J and I head for the beach while A and D do a 6-hour hike at much higher elevation. We’ll all have a great time.

snorkeling, post cards

Tonight I went on a walk down the beach with two of my friends here. There is a lot less light pollution than there is in the city, and you can see many more stars and the Milky Way to boot. We walked along until the beach ended, and then came back along the road, stopping into a store so I could buy a bottle of water. I also got some postcards, and am going to send one each to Hazel, Emily and Joanna, and to Ted. We bought memory books for each kid a while back. They go from zero to 18 years old, and our plan is to include a special picture or two from each year, invites, stories, etc. I think we’ll tuck these postcards in as well.

The card I wrote up for Hazel has a picture of a coral reef and some fish, and a couple of snorkelers above them. This morning we rented some gear for the week and went off to a beach where you can just walk into the water and snorkel a few feet off the sand. There is enough of a drop-off to be convenient for swimming and snorkeling, but not enough to be scary. Perfect. It never fails to feel like magic when I look down and see such colorful fish swimming below me. Since I usually only see them in tanks in Aquariums, seeing them in the ocean is a bit like that exceptionally rare circumstance in which a movie does justice to a book, and you can see on the screen scenery and characters you have previously encountered only in your head. (Not that that’s a bad place to be! Characters can have more vibrancy and flexibility there, and one’s relationship with them – in my opinion anyway – is more intimate.) Nonetheless, seeing scenes from a page on a screen, when done well, can bring a beautifully vivid quality to one’s experience of a story already known.

While we were snorkeling, a big pod of spinner dolphins showed up not too far away. They were playing and leaping out of the water. There were oohs and ahhs from people on the beach and in the water. Sharing wonder and appreciation with a group of people I don’t know always makes me happy.

This afternoon I made a Shepherd’s pie, steamed a bunch of kale and chard, and we roasted some veggies. There is food in the house!

Then we took a dip in the pool, a sit in the hot tub, and another dip in the pool. Dinner, walk, hanging out finished off a lovely day. Yay for vacation!

Tomorrow, a snorkeling trip, and the next day maybe a hike. It’s nice to have most of the week ahead of us.

Traveling with twins

We’re working on figuring out various travel-related things for trips this year. Traveling with kids is definitely more complicated and expensive than traveling without them. And two babies, as always, adds an extra layer of complexity. One trip is for a HI wedding of friends next summer. I refuse to go to HI and not have a vacation; if I’m there and can’t swim, snorkel, or get out and about, there’s little point to being there, or so says my would-be-petulant inner child. Imagining wrangling 3 kids on the beach, two of whom will probably just be newly toddling about makes much of my hair quiver and think about turning silver on the spot. So, we’re going to bring a nanny with us. And we’re going to rent the separate cottage on the property. Last night we were imagining how it would be if we had a room or 2 in the main house, and we concluded it would be better for everyone if we’re off in our own space….  “Shhh, friend, please stop laughing; our babies are asleep!” Or, “Dude, can’t you remember to pick up all of your stuff and put it on a high shelf?” Or, “I know we’re here to enjoy ourselves, but really, it’s 10 pm! Can’t you all just go to sleep?!”

We’re also traveling internationally soon, and have been working on what to bring. After much debate back and forth we’ve chosen to bring one of the twin nursing pillows. It is bulky, not something I’d ever choose to pack under other circumstances, but it too falls into the category of things we need in order to be able to relax and enjoy ourselves. So, we’re taking our pillow and our pump. Possibly this shows an over-attachment to things, but hey, it’s all good. At least we’re not bringing swings. 🙂