I am wildly, unrelentingly behind. That is because I am insanely disorganized. That is partly because there is more on my plate than I am capable of dealing with. This was brought home to me (again) when I took Hazel to her roller skating birthday party on Sunday. When I initially sent out the invites I managed to put the wrong date on them, and the only reason I found that out is that people started telling me in person that they were looking forward to the party, 4 weeks ago. I am grateful for that, because it allowed me to avert the verging-on-disaster that would have ensued when a bunch of people showed up at the venue on the wrong day looking for Hazel. Head, meet hand. So I got that sorted out, and managed to get the deposit check sent off not-so-late-that-it-was-unacceptable.
I had chosen the party package that seemed reasonable. For some reason I interpreted “ice cream”, to mean, “cake and ice cream”, however, so once at the venue on Sunday when asked if I wanted cake server utensils, it managed to penetrate my overloaded neurons that presumably that question meant there was supposed to be a cake, and it seemed likely I was supposed to provide it. So, I got the kids going, got Hazel hooked up with one of her friend’s parents, and went across the lot to the Baskin Robbins and got a cake. And after I got the cake I realized I needed candles. I realized that before I’d left the store, so a separate transaction later, I was headed back to the rink with the requisite supplies.
I tend to respond to these sorts of happenings by feeling completely, 100% stupid, a Grade A dimwit. Tonight, though, when thinking about it, it came to me that I probably wouldn’t have made that series of mistakes back when I had only one child, before the advent of the twins. Back then, as busy as we were, there was still margin in the day. If I didn’t get something done, there was always tomorrow. But now, if there’s something that has to happen, there is just no room in the daily schedule into which to squeeze it. Ted and I needed to answer some questions our tax service emailed us, and after I forgot to follow up on that for a few days, I remembered again tonight. He was already in bed. But from 7:45 am to 10 pm tomorrow I will be busy, and I won’t see him. So I asked him if he’d get up, and we took care of that task.
And now it’s late, and we’re both too tired.
I used to be reasonably organized. My short-term memory used to function better than it does now. I used to have a reasonable idea of the bigger picture as well as a pretty good percentage of the smaller details in any given week. I have to keep remembering, though, that it is not that I have become stupid. I have to keep forgiving myself for never having enough time, for making mistake upon mistake upon mistake, for losing my wits multiple times a day.
And sometime during spring break, Ted and I need to have a strategy session to see what we can improve about the logistics of our lives, because too much is on a downward slide right now. It’s all about the percentages.
One hopes that nothing super important will fall through the cracks that gape like an abyss. But then, it’s likely that something will. So we’ll continue to forgive ourselves, and continue to practice gratitude at the end of each day in which all 5 of us are accounted for, fed, clothed, and connected.