I made it a long time before my daily posts on this blog became every-few-days posts. I’m proud of that, actually, but posting to my blog has to take a back seat to a couple of things, including sleep, practicing cello, and communicating with individual friends and family. I am sure there will be periods in which I post more often, and periods where it’s less frequent. I intend to keep it up, hopefully for years, as a way to share with far-flung family and friends, as well as a family record for my kids. Nonetheless, having sporadic postings does show me the power of habit, and the way in which keeping up with something I don’t do very regularly is harder. I have to use more will power to go to the blog page and add a post. On the other hand, not writing one every night opens space for other things. So, my bottom line is that it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
As I sit here, contemplating what to write, I am looking forward to going back downstairs to my studio and doing some more work on the Prokofiev quartet we’re going to perform in March. It is deeply satisfying to have a sense of positive anticipation for work, for something so personal at the same time that it is a professional undertaking.
And in fact, challenging my habits that aren’t so helpful involves checking in more often and more deeply with myself about what I really want. So that too is more difficult than just going with the standard I’m-tired-I’ll-play-Scrabble. Not easy, but worth it.
Who knew being an adult would be so thorny, so complex, so sometimes monotonous and yet wild?
I guess my parents knew that, but I wasn’t equipped to hear the message, being a child.