I’ve been sick with a moderate to bad cold the last couple of days, and have half-heartedly gone to WordPress to start a post a couple of times only to sniff, blow my nose, and decide I don’t have the energy. I am lucky this time: I only had to cancel three lessons, and the way childcare lined up, along with Ted coming home early today, I didn’t have to try to parent while wanting only to lie in bed, one of my least favorite things to attempt to do.
Today I’ve been doing a bunch of schedule re-jiggering, as the ongoing fallout from the purchase of the store where I’ve taught for 12 – 15 years (I don’t remember exactly) continues. Today’s scheduling work has been quite productive, however, and I have figured out that in the switch to the new location, I don’t have to lose any students after all, which is quite wonderful. The biggest bummer is that I can’t go to the weekly writing group I’ve been attending for a few years now, and will have to switch days for that. But that too, hopefully, will work itself out. And now I won’t have to pay double rent for the next 8 months, a huge plus.
Being self-employed, of course, involves quite a lot of work that is not the job for which one becomes self-employed to do. But that is ok. Live and learn.
All this rejiggering also means that now I’ll be the one doing the grocery shopping each week, with the twins in tow. I will have plenty of time, but am pretty sure that I’ll want to use Ted’s technique of having one in an Ergo and one in the shopping cart, as I don’t want to spend the time at the store uttering, “No thank you, Emily/Joanna, no touching!” fully one million times.
Another call I made was to a plastic surgeon whose name I was given by the friend of a friend. I have been contemplating a breast reduction for decades. I am glad I didn’t do it earlier, as I might not have been able to nurse my babies, whom I had relatively late. But now that I’m done with breastfeeding, and my very narrow upper body frame is required to carry the weight of my even-bigger-now breasts, I am beginning to research in earnest. It’s an odd thing to think about. I know that I must honor my body throughout this process, and not come to surgery, if I do, from a place of self-hate, but instead out of self-love. Contemplating change, sitting in uncertainty, it’s amazing to me how my mind wants to flip to the extremes just to have the whole thing decided. So this is a practice in patience, too.
And, finally, I want to note two pieces of violence that occurred this week: first, there was a bombing near the NAACP offices in Colorado Springs. Fortunately, no one was hurt or killed, and the building wasn’t badly damaged. But it does remind me of the horrors of domestic terrorism as perpetrated against racial minorities as well as against women’s reproductive health care clinics, attacks that go largely unnoticed and uncastigated by prominent members of our government. Second is the murder of 12 people in the offices of France’s satirical magazine, “Charlie Hebdo”. I find it so sad that, world over, we believe that our feelings of offense, fear, and hate justify violence toward other people. It is wrong when perpetrated by governments, and it is wrong when perpetrated by individuals or groups. How on earth anyone feels that their beliefs justify hurting or killing other people has always mystified me. It will do so always.