Sisters and bedtime, love as a spiritual value, Emotion Coaching

Emily has started sleeping in Hazel’s bed, at naptime, and last night for the first part of the night. When she asked to be put in Hazel’s bed yesterday at naptime, I asked her, “Will you sleep if I put you in Hazel’s bed?” She said yes, so I tucked her in. As soon as I turned to walk out she started to fuss, but after I hugged her and tucked her in again, she went to sleep, without another peep! Not only does that rhyme, it is exceedingly exciting to this tired mama. Ted and I are wondering if this preference will continue to the extent that we need to swap out her twin mattress for a full-sized one, because of course, the other night when Emily wanted in Hazel’s bed, Joanna immediately did too. Three children, no matter how small, don’t really fit in that space.

I am curious what it is she likes about Hazel’s bed so much (other than Hazel’s sometime presence in it), but am not sure she has the verbal skills yet to tell me. She is getting into using two words in a row, but she couldn’t be said to be using full sentences, or even fragments very often yet. Consequently, I wonder if we could give her some of the elements she likes about Hazel’s bed in her own bed, but am not sure how to query her about it. I think in this case we’re going to have to let actions speak. We’ll try a blanket in her bed, see if she goes for it, or if she continues to choose to climb in the twin bed.

—–

Right now I am processing and trying to consolidate a lot of information I’ve received lately from various sources, including a breath/meditation class, an Emotion Coaching class, and more from the Positive Discipline class we took.

One takeaway from the breath/meditation class that I found extremely powerful is that you don’t have to have a personal relationship with someone to receive love. It is possible for human beings to connect and care without the framework of an established friendship or romantic relationship. And in fact, growing our capacity to give and receive love at the soul level without requiring the closeness of personal relationship is one way we can evolve. It is one way toward peace. If we can love one another, then we will be more willing to understand each other, to tolerate differences, and to find solutions to our problems.

The takeaways that are in my mind at the moment from tonight’s Emotion Coaching class are that, a) I need to ask my kids what they’re feeling and really listen without b) telling them what they’re feeling, and c) I need to make more space for them to come up with solutions rather than handing them down.

One step at a time. And the road is long.

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