I am rather seriously overloaded right now. There’s the whole increasing intensity of parenting, the upcoming kindergarten experience for Hazel in which we don’t know if we’ll be transferring her to another school after the school year has begun, various personal and internal things that have come up for me that I’m having a hard time processing, and a significant amount of stress in the lives of people I love, as well as enormous global stress that’s hard to contemplate (Israeli/Palestinian conflict, abductions in Nigeria, etc.) One thing that’s going on is that one of my college friends is in jail. Finding the right balance between taking care of myself and offering support to him has been quite challenging. It is terribly difficult to see people you love in pain, in awful circumstances, struggling.
I have been in what I call “the red zone” for a few days now. I keep wanting to get in the car and drive away, or get in bed under the covers, or spend every waking moment on the computer, escaping into the Internet.
Tonight Ted and I did two things: first, we attended the first in a series of six classes on breath; it’s tied into emotional/energetic work, and spirituality, and was wonderful. I am so, so glad that we’re doing this together. I feel it will benefit both of us, individually and in terms of our relationship. The second was the third in our Positive Discipline parenting class series. That also was profoundly wonderful. Tonight’s session was about power struggles. This class is one of the best things I’ve ever done. It occurred to me during class that I would like to teach Positive Discipline, much, much later, when I’m conversant with it, have years of experience teaching with it. It’d be a stretch for me, since I’m more comfortable one-on-one, but it would be something I could teach with joy, a sense of service, and would also help me.
Tonight after the class I spoke to another college friend about the situation I noted above. She and I have gained, over the years of friendship and joint work, a wonderful ability to speak honestly to each other while not taking each other’s feelings personally. I celebrate such friendships.
Talking to Ted about it later, telling him how overloaded I am feeling, it came to me that I really need a long weekend away. I need a few days when I’m not responsible for anyone but myself. I need water I can swim in, sand to walk on, and peace and quiet. I said so, and he immediately agreed that we should put it on the calendar. I am grateful to have a partner who deeply and personally understands that need, and supports my having it met.
And now I need to meet my need for sleep, and go to bed.
Wishing everyone who needs it peace.