wedding anniversary, loss

Today is our wedding anniversary. Seven years ago today we stood in front our community and talked about what getting married meant to us, listened to readings and great music, and made commitments to each other. It was a beautiful day, and the space, so generously put together by our friends and family, was amazingly gorgeous. When we went to see the facility we found out that the chairs were orange plastic, and rather than covering them up we decided to just go for it and use reds and oranges in the decorations and table linens. When we walked in together once everyone was seated, it was jaw-dropping. It brought tears to our eyes. I am so grateful for all the effort and love put into making that space for us, for putting flowers together, putting curtains up, setting tables, recording the ceremony. A student and friend brought the most lovely bouquet for the ceremony.

the beautiful reception area

Having loved ones present for such an important life occasion is such a gift of love. I was moved to tears over and over, by what we were saying, by the feeling in people’s faces, by the energy of joy and support in the room. We still haven’t gotten the video transcribed to a form in which we can watch it (we should do that this year, now that our oldest is five, ahem) and I look forward to seeing it again when we finally do.

Today, Ted and I had brunch together. It was a spectacular summer day today, just like our wedding day was. It was good to eat together, to talk about the past and the future, to feel connected. This afternoon we took the kids to a wading pool, before which Ted ran an errand, going to purchase a stand-alone air conditioner for the kids’ room (which was just under 90 degrees when he went up there this evening). The water was great, and our friend A came to join us for a while.

There were various stressors today: we forgot a couple of things on the schedule due to vacation-brain; the errand took a long time and involved a lot of traffic; Hazel was not listening very well; I managed to drop my phone into the dish pan without realizing it, couldn’t find it anywhere, am now drying it out at 150 F in the oven. But one thing I really celebrate is that both Ted and I are getting better at directly expressing our feelings without a ton of drama, and are therefore better at handling the stress, and better able to support each other.

—–

My college friend was declared brain-dead and was to be taken off life support last I heard today. I am in shock. I grieve for her partner, for the larger circle of friends and chosen family. I wish I had been in better touch with her. I just cannot believe it, that she is gone. She was a sweet, loving, warm person, generous and giving, a beautiful soul. I cannot believe that I’ll never be able to message her or talk to her again, that I won’t be able to visit or see her at a reunion. My mind says, no, that can’t be right. I am staggered.

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