swimming, Beethoven trio, flowers from Hazel, nursing, babies, gardening, fear of fish death

Hazel went back to swimming lessons today. She’s getting better all the time. She doesn’t try to put her head up when floating on her back any more, and she gets her face all the way down in the water during blast-offs from the wall. I am so proud of her.

I actually managed to practice twice today, a major accomplishment. I was working on the Beethoven trio, and listened to this recording by Itzhak Perlman on violin, Pinchas Zukerman on viola, and Lynn Harrell on cello, for a tempo reference for the last movement. It goes blisteringly fast! (19:08 is where the last movement starts.) But it is very satisfying to get things like that very clean and clear.

When Ted takes the kids grocery shopping, he lets Hazel pick one thing from anywhere in the store (with some non-sugar-related limits). The past couple times they’ve come back, she’s been carrying flowers for me as her one thing. Today it was tulips, red with some yellow. I can’t wait to see them open. She’s my sweetie.

They got back late from preschool, because they stayed to the end due to having arrived late. The twins were happy, but oh so tired. Emily didn’t want to stop nursing, and the first couple times I started to detach her she resisted with vigor. So I let her stay on for a while. I have worried at times that they’ll stop. Emily, particularly, gets distracted easily by other things. But they both still love to nurse. It’s definitely a comfort for them. Additionally, the World Health Organization recommends nursing to two years or more for continued nutritional and health support for baby and mother. I’d definitely like to make it to two, if possible. And if not, I am grateful for the time we’ve had.

Hazel has asked a few times if we can have another baby. Ted has mentioned how he’s come to love babies. I have even found myself reacting differently to other people’s babies. There is NO WAY there will be another one in this family, but Ted and I are amused and amazed to see that we have shifted as far as we have. He said that the last time he saw a newborn he really wanted to hold it.

Oh, yesterday our garden design person came by with a landscaper contractor person who’s going to give us a bid for doing the new pathway that lets students get to the studio. They have both, gently and with no judgment, persuaded me to let go of our current cherry tree rather than paying to move it. It’s making sap and has a wound, which can be an indication of bugs or other problems. It will be far cheaper to get a new tree. I really struggle with killing things, though, especially plants I’ve had a long time. I need to become a bit more ruthless. Or get some detachment. We need new lavender plants, too.

I’m not sure I’m ever going to be able to let the kids have fish, though. I never manage to maintain fish tanks. I have bad dreams, in fact, where I realize I have a fish tank I’ve totally forgotten about, and though some of the fish are still miraculously alive, others are really, really not. And then the dream often morphs so I’m walking along a stream with the same fish in it. And then they’re suddenly very large fish. And then, well, you get the picture. I wake up sweating and terrified.

Yeah, I have fish death guilt.

Ok, now I shall stop rambling and sign off for the night. That was a ridiculously long title. Its absurdity tells me I need sleep.


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