inching along

Sometimes I say, honestly, “Thank you, universe, for this opportunity to grow.” I have also been known to say that with some sarcasm, or at least a tinge of irony. Tonight I am saying, “Thank you, babies, for this opportunity to tackle some of my most deeply entrenched and challenging issues. I am sure I’ll be better off for it.” And I mean it, I do. But it’s been a bit like pulling a band-aid off. Slowly. For a month. And I keep bleeding. It’s the best way, because this way the injury beneath can breathe. But wow, I’ve had sleep issues since I was in seventh grade (that’s when I lost my ability to sleep like a log, and acquired permanent circles beneath my eyes), and that’s coming up on 35 years of negative patterns to overcome. I have slept poorly for far more of my life than I slept well.

So, I guess this is (yet another) instance in which I have only been willing to attempt significant change when my back has been pushed hard up against the wall, and there’s nowhere to run.

Sorry, universe. I learn some things quickly, and other things at the speed of molasses creeping over an ice floe. But creeping I am, and sometimes I manage to warm the molasses sufficiently that it flows a bit faster. I’ll take every inch of forward movement.

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