When you don’t know what you don’t know

Other people’s experience and feedback can be really useful. We’ve been thinking for a while about building a separate studio out back. Once the twins are talking and walking, it’s going to become virtually impossible for me to teach in my current studio space. One of my students has done quite a lot of home rebuilding and remodeling, and brought up things I hadn’t considered, however, like the cost of heating an entirely separate structure, and the fact that if we build a studio out back we won’t ever be able to add onto our house at all. So now we’re thinking about a basement studio that nonetheless has a good amount of light. That would also mean we could take down the ancient garage and have a real garden, a serious plus. I loved gardening when I was a kid. We had a pretty good-sized vegetable & flower garden out back, and I’d love to be able to do that with my kids here.

—–

We experienced bedtime failure this evening. We made a big mistake and tried changing things up abruptly and with no transition. Hazel doesn’t sleep when we try to get her to go to bed a full hour or more before her usual bedtime. Oops. It’s not as simple as declaring, “Ok, we’re all going to bed early tonight!” She didn’t respond well. There was a lot of crying, a lot of pushing boundaries. She is now, though, thankfully asleep. The twins are restive but hopefully on their way to dreamland. And I managed to walk that line between compassion and indulgence that I sometimes find hard to see, let alone adhere to as a parent. I didn’t get into drill seargent mode, but I also didn’t give into Hazel’s million delaying tactics. I managed to be gentle but firm. Yay, a point for me! This afternoon I managed to help Emily get to sleep too, after a fair amount of effort. I am learning. What I am attempting to learn first and foremost is to let go of my sometimes paralyzing fear of things not going well, to explore different options with the curiosity of an open-minded scientist.

—–

I have a gig on Saturday. I have been practicing. I can do most of the fast runs now. I am gradually regaining control. But I have a ways to go still. I need to work on speeding up my vibrato. It’s gotten slow and floppy (which has always been its tendency anyway – my cello teacher in college described me as a rubber maiden in studio class once) and I need to tighten it. I also need to re-coordinate my two hands so that my overall precision improves. Working on the runs in these pieces helps. I think I’ll break out some etude books and start on them too. Then, a Beethoven sonata. One step at a time…

—–

Emily is asleep. Now I can go back upstairs and hopefully get in 5 hours of sleep. ahhhhh, sleep.

 

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One thought on “When you don’t know what you don’t know

  1. stlgeekwoman says:

    I love reading your posts. I can hear you talking.

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